When a couple decides to marry, they dream of how they will manage their lives, what their home will look like, how they will raise their children together, what they will do with their money and more. As they leave their childhood home and turn to their new lives, they expect that they will have the freedom to choose their own paths as they wish for mature and independent people. Sometimes, some find that it is not at all simple for them as their family members find it difficult to release them and expect them to continue the same relationship they had when they were children in their family of origin. Sometimes, it is also found that there are spouses who have difficulty separating from their family members and continue the relationship out of loyalty and commitment to their family while being overly close and mutually emotional dependent which sometimes comes at the expense of the couple’s life.
The natural and healthy process that is supposed to take place, which will allow for a satisfying and enjoyable marriage between the couple, is that each new couple must transfer their loyalty and commitment from their families of origin to the new couple and to each other. Each spouse should change their relationship from a … spouse to a …
When two decide on marriage and creating a new family, they have to agree on a different relationship with their family of origin.
Trusts must change because the couple’s main commitment now is for their marriage and they must invest emotional and physical resources to build their new relationship and family.
Families of origin must accept and support the change in their children’s lives in order to allow them a full life, joy and satisfaction. The family of origin should adapt to the separation and the entry of the new spouse as a member of the family. If the family patterns are rigid and unadulterated to the changing reality, they may sabotage the new couple-making process.
A boundary should be created around the new couple, something that happens officially through the marriage ceremony, which declares a receipt with a committee to create a new family.
The boundary should be clear enough and flexible enough to allow the couple to be alone and with the family. These families have clear, open and direct communication and have qzz in your life.
Try to get together as much as possible. I’m not talking about intimate relationship or going over to the neighberhood bar. What I’m talking about is quality time for you and all the family.
Something that bonds all the family together. Something all the family enjoys. In the winter a good idea maybe to play family table games together, and in the summer a great idea would be to buy and above ground pool, or better than that – a large size inflatable hot tub – this is not so expensive and Something that all the family will enjoy together and children love water games
The problems of over-involvement in a couple’s life are most common in families whose boundaries are blurry and unclear (what is usually called tangled families who aspire to merge) and whose laws are rigid. In these families, the needs of the family mingle with each other, there is a mutual emotional dependence, the desire for ‘togetherness’ and loyalty to the family is more important than the individual needs of its members. The family does not see the normative developmental need of their sons to develop self-identity, unique and separate and find it difficult to accept them as they are. Couples with diffuse boundaries allow the penetration of parents and other family members into their lives and functioning while the couple loses their privacy and most importantly, their sense of ownership and independence for their life. In these families, family and family affiliation is of the utmost value and they do not allow family members the legitimacy to separate to become a separate entity capable of its own independent life. As long as a mature emotional separation from the family of origin is not made, the couple’s relationship will be problematic.
The more autonomy and autonomy and treating each individual in the original family as a separate, distinct and individual entity, the fewer conflicts between the couple. Furthermore, the more rigid the family system, the more difficult it will be for the individual to make his choice between the family of the offspring and the new spouse, and he will be torn between his loyalties and obligations. In such a situation the result can be both arguments and quarrels with family members and conflicts and conflicts with the spouse.
Because in complicated families, there is no room for individuality to leave the family and conduct different behaviors and family laws is a threat to family “togetherness” and sometimes even perceived as betrayal, abandonment and disloyalty to the family.